Well that sucks....

Today: Another failure. But will I let it break me? That's the question that I am constantly having to ask myself. My answer for today: Hell no! I have lived too much to let this speed bump take me down. I am who God made me to be. For better or worse. It is a constant battle to be the person that I want to be, though. Each time I get knocked down, I would like to give up and let the current drag me down into the deep abyss. I think I've earned a nice place there. But alas, my struggle continues and I will fight harder and stronger than any one of you has ever seen before. It is in my nature to kick and scream until I make it work.

But what am I fighting for? Do I have anything left to give? It is one thing after the other... can't I catch a break? Honestly, I bring it all on myself. I have never given myself time to heal before I move on to my next project. It's my turn now. I am the project that I so desperately need to work on. The most incredible feelings have washed over me this week. A sense of peace. A temporary calm of the storm in which I can see the light urging me to come home. It might take months... hopefully not years, but one day, I will overcome all of the hurt others have done to me that I refuse to let go of. But only by the grace of God. For now I will seek a place in his kingdom and revel in his plans for me. It's the least I can do for Him, given all the wonderful life lessons he continues to bestow upon me.

I am grateful for an open heart and open mind as I seek what is meant for my life.